Good Frackin Grief!

When I told everyone I was leaving my job here with the state, I got a few offers to continue analyzing data by private contract. This is where the money really is, so I agreed. Because, well, I like money.
The problem (why does there always have to be a problem?) is that I will be leaving the software that I use to do my analyses when I leave my job. After talking it over with hubs, and mostly talking it over in my own head, I decided to check out investing in my own software licenses. The other option would be to cleverly disguise myself as a grad student and sneak into the computer lab on campus to use their copies.
There are two programs that are most commonly used. Each has its benefits and drawbacks and I usually end up using a combination of both for each analyses, one to set up and create new databases and the other to run the analysis and make pretty visuals.
So, my sleuthing uncovers $800 for the easy-analysis program for *COUGH* ONE YEAR *COUGH*!!!!!
And a much less reasonable $7000 for the other data-management program for ONE FRACKING YEAR!!!!
And lets not forget that these programs won't run on Mac, which I own, only PC, which I don't own. That's another $1000 for the computer with enough memory to handle the data.

Excuse me, I just died for a second there.

Since my first super-lucrative contract will only bring in $2000 payable on delivery, I guess I will be sneaking into the computer lab until I can save up for the legit copy. Pajamas- check. Flip flops- check. Coffee- check. Yep, I can still pass for a grad student. Oh, except I'll be the only one in there doing work instead of checking myspace. I hope they haven't started checking ids since I graduated...

Anybody know anything about small business grants or loans?


New life, 12:00

Last week I geave notice at my current job. I've decided to go back to teaching. Literally, I'll be back in the same classroom I left 8 years ago. I'll be across the hall from the same teacher but it all seems very new and scary.
I never had that moment when I knew what I wanted to be. No, that's a lie. I knew what I wanted to be, but I gave it up for a "real" career and family life. The past 12 or so years have been a lot of wandering. Not aimless, always forward, but wandering the same. I had goals and I met them. Unfortunately, I forgot to live my life during all that goal-meeting.
I've decided its time to slow down and live my life. Teaching won't be easy and it definately won't be slow, but for the first time ever- it won't be about me. There will be no degrees to finish, no promotions to earn. I've got 15 First-graders to turn into Second-graders. And that's it.
And when I get home, I get to be a mommy. I'll finally have time to spend with my kids. I'll also be able to take care of them the way I want to.
If this sounds like I'm trying to convince myself, that's because I am. I'm at the lovely point where I've jumped ship and now I have to swim to shore. I know what lies ahead is best, but the uncertainty makes me doubt myself. I worked hard for all those degrees and part of me feels like I'm throwing all that away. I'm giving up a respectable career and promotion to get back in the "trenches." That shit is scary. It feels like I am still wandering, but now I'm not going forward. I'm getting erratic. I think its going to take more conditioning to get me comfortable with this decision and realize that it doesn't matter what's best for me anymore (and that this change isn't a bad thing). There are other people more important than me in my life.


Back Amongst the Living

I've been in bed for a whole week with strep. My kids had it too, but they got shots and were running about after one day. For some reason, I had to get oral antibiotics and it took me until yesterday to break the fever. YUK! One good thing is that I was able to be home so the internet guy could come and get things straightened out. I'll be posting pics soon.

In other, completely unrelated news, Yay for LSU being voted number one in the country in the coaches and AP polls! This is the first season in a long time in which I've made every home game. We even took all three kiddos to the Tulane game Saturday. They were sooo well behaved! Good thing, because I was watching the game so closely any one of them could have run off and I might not have noticed! LOL!

I think I'm going to pick up the skull cap again tonight. I'm ready to move that off my plate. I still need to redo the bind-off on Widdershins, though, so I might just get that over with. (Not like I don't have to finish staining my bathroom counter or tile my kitchen backsplash. Why would I want my house to be finished for the party on the 27th when I can be knitting?!?!)

Might be some job changing on the horizon. I won't post any details, but I was in anxiety-attack mode all weekend before calming myself down with the mantra- it's going to be alright! I'll keep you posted when I learn more.